For weeks, I saw people on social media arguing about whether a man was justified in cheating on his wife as she gained weight.
I am not particularly interested in talking about or disrupting celebrities — when we prepare such a ground, we are thinking more about the implications of what we say about relationships.
For the brief-super brief-backdrop, 20-year-old Lila Rochon’s husband, Antoine Fuqua, was caught kissing Italy’s fast-growing fitness personality Nicole Murphy somewhere. Part of helping Nicole sell her overall fitness things is her proximity to celebrity men – let’s be honest here, so, while this may be the brand for her, it’s probably heartbreaking for Lila.
We do not know for sure, as there may be any kind of arrangement for their marriage, and since none of us are on the certificate, we will never know.
But the energy of social media, so to speak, is noticeably centered around whether he was cheating or not, as his wife no longer looks like Laila, whom we await. is. Photos of heavy Rochon surfaced, with people claiming to have cheated on his wife when she was not attractive. It was not important to anyone that she was allegedly dealing with a health crisis. A man is needed, he said. He just wanted a hot girl, he said, and he reunited with Nicole.
He asked, incredibly, what did you expect?
I have become fascinated by that question. It leaves me with my own questions.
A marriage begins – to love and to cherish. It very clearly lays out what to expect. It’s infallible. Do you swear by everything that suddenly stops because you’re no longer excited?
What does it mean to fall in love with someone, decide to spend the rest of your life with each other? Does this mean that this bond is so strong, so unbreakable, that you develop respect and empathy for each other that binds you together for eternity? Does this mean that you begin to see a sense of beauty in someone who extends beyond their physical appearance, a deep and rich sense of beauty that outperforms superficial beauty that will potentially over time Does it fade?
To love, nurture, nurture. Are we saying that those vows are so meaningless that anything can happen due to being as fleeting as a physical attraction?
What are we spending to build our lives, if it can be torn easily?
Are we essentially saying that we can’t expect a man to commit to anything other than his dick’s needs?
Does it also stand for women? Does he have needs that justify cheating? And, when she cheats, does her deception justify the violence that may be against her?
I wonder what it means to be beautiful – when we are talking about relationships, being beautiful means being a trophy. And the trophies all look the same because that’s the thing about trophies: they are what “all men” want, so they’re as close to symmetry as you can get … and that, that we Everyone gets a lot of looks, what led so many women to me, asking for the “secret” that women like Nicole Murphy are keeping.
It is not a diet of starvation. It is not a diet tailored to cosmetic surgeons.
The desire to accept that the men we are chasing, men who prioritize the trophy over the bond that can form when you choose to spend your life with someone, find us interchangeable and imminent replacements. It is unsettled by the building of respect, empathy and genuine love that comes with trying to spend a lifetime with someone. Why bother? I know why she is here, I will make sure I keep it and move on. It is not a bond – it is a transaction. If I fight to maintain my end of the bargain and remain as traditionally attractive as possible, I always have people who follow me.
And, in fact, I can’t even say that about Nicole – again, we don’t know what’s going on, here, so don’t let me step out of bounds. This is not about her – but this is what we are saying when we say that marriages are only constant as the weight of a wife.
Am I allowed to bother with this? Am I allowed to be so disappointed in the type of relationship that people are willing to accept? Is the fullness of making a life with the person you respect and admire still less valuable than their presence?